And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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