My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
