your room smells of hookers.
And success
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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