I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
