I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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