This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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