Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
