Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
