how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
