Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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