He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
