That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She even gives head with a lisp.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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