i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
