: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
