So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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