if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
