Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
