So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
