Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
