Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
