there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
