Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
