he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
