I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
