I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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