I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
