My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
