Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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