I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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