YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
