The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
