I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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