I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
