how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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