my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
