She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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