I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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