And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
