I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
