Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
