you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
