Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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