I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
