YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
