Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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