it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
