make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
