i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
