To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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