and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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